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Letting Go
Of moving on or past old emotional "stuff" in life

By Tim Connor

One of my favorite books is Transitions by William Bridges. In it Bill shares a simple yet profound concept, the idea of moving on or past old emotional "stuff" in life. He uses the analogy of a caterpillar who wants to become a butterfly. The caterpillar must go through certain stages or phases in order to have a successful outcome. This concept is easily applied to any of life's transitions: from one relationship to another, from one career to another, from one lifestyle to another etc. The three stages or phases he shares are:

You must put closure on the previous relationship, issue or circumstance. When people fail to declare endings before moving on to a new beginning, they tend to repeat the same ending again in the new beginning (relationship, career and so on).

You must spend adequate time in the neutral zone.

If the caterpillar emerges from its cocoon too soon it may not be properly formed and will die or at the least not be able to fly. If we spend to little time in the neutral zone, discovering what we need to learn - we will again tend to repeat similar mistakes and repeat the earlier ending once again. Oh, it might be a different person, career or circumstance, but nonetheless, the ending will have similar characteristics. The neutral zone is where we self-discover who we are, how we feel, how we behave, what we believe and who we want to become. It is an active time of introspection and self-evaluation.

If you have declared an ending, I mean really declared it and not just given the idea lip service and you spend enough time in the neutral zone (Several years ago I spent almost two years in the neutral zone after the ending of a relationship) - it is now time to move on to step three - declare a new beginning.

Much of the stress in life comes from an unwillingness to move from step one to two or step two to step three knowing that it is in your best interests or even necessary to do so. You feel emotionally stuck, out of control or just afraid of the future after you have made the decision to move to the next step.

Letting go of old emotional baggage, attachments, relationships, expectations or any previous circumstances is one of the most difficult things for people to do. For some reason the comfort or even discomfort with the present situation is far more attractive then the future unknowns of something or someone new.

If you are in a transition from one 'anything' to another 'anything' embrace it, enjoy it, learn from it, use the time for introspection and self-evaluation, see it as an opportunity for personal growth and focus and use the underlying creativity that is always present with the emotional stress and pain of many of life's transitions.

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